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First Essay: Editing Worksheet
Print this document and bring it to class with five copies of your essay on globalization and inequality.
The essay should be complete, with title page, running header, and title centered on the first line of page 2.
The essay should have quotations, paraphrases and APA in-text citations and References page.
The essay should not be a first draft. It must be carefully proofread.
Please print and bring the sources to class, or at least the parts you used from the longer sources.
In class, work on one essay at a time. Distribute the copies of the essay to the group. Each student reads, marks and corrects the essay. When every student is finished reading the essay, the group as a whole completes this worksheet. The author of the essay writes down the answers to the worksheet questions. The completed worksheet must be submitted in a folder with one edited draft, the final essay, and the other assignments.
The group should discuss the following questions and offer suggestions for improving the essay. The author of the essay should write the answers and suggestions down on a separate sheet to be submitted with the finished essay.
1. Is the introduction interesting? Does it get your attention and make you want to read the essay? Watch out for excessively general statements and cliches. Make sure the introduction gets quickly to the point.
2. Does the introduction ask a question? State a thesis? Reveal an attitude toward the issue?
3. Do you get the sense of a debate from the essay? Are the different positions in the debate clear?
4. What is the thesis of the essay? Is the thesis debatable? Does the essay take a position in the debate?
5. Does the essay include the main arguments of each side in the debate? Does the essay show some of the evidence used to back up the various arguments?
6. Is the essay well organized? Does it have a beginning, middle and end? Does one paragraph seem to lead to the next paragraph? Is the information presented in a logical order?
7. Do the paragraphs begin with a topic sentence which states the idea of the paragraph? Do the sentences in the paragraph support the topic sentence? Do all the sentences in the paragraph pertain to the topic sentence?
8. Does the essay include the right amount of quotation? Make sure there is not too much quotation.
9. Does author quote interesting and striking language to make important points? Do not quote to make obvious points.
10. Are all the paraphrases completely transformed? You must change the sentence structure; you must not just substitute synonyms.
11. In at least a few paragraphs, does the author refer to more than one source? Comparing or contrasting authors in a paragraph improves the essay.
12. Are all quotes and paraphrases correctly introduced and punctuated?
13. Are all the quotations and paraphrases correctly cited?
14. Does the essay come to a clear conclusion? Are the author's conclusions interesting and logical? Does the author continue to refer to the sources in the conclusion?
Font: 12 pt. Times New Roman
text double spaced
proper margins
Running header--short title, five spaces, page number (title page is page 1)
title page:
APA references page with hanging indents
When you rewrite, strive to omit unnecessary words and ideas.
Example #1:
There have been many debates over the topic of globalization. World leaders, businessmen, politicians, and corporation from all over the world have all provided valid reasons as to how globalization has provided opportunities for people and growth for the economy. On the other hand, others have strongly expressed disagreement, suggesting that the economy is the only beneficiary making gains yet the people who are working to help with the progress such as the workers are not being fairly compensated. This issue has caused a fire storm of controversy and people increasingly are expressing their own ideas to prove that globalization truly as its own benefits or drawbacks.
My suggestions:
1. There have been many debates over the topic of globalization.
2. World leaders, businessmen, politicians, and corporation from all over the world have all provided valid reasons as to how globalization has provided opportunities for people and growth for the economy.
4. This issue has caused a fire storm of controversy and people increasingly are expressing their own ideas to prove that globalization truly as its own benefits or drawbacks.
Example #2
Globalization has brought into sharper focus the disparities among nations. It has also highlighted the resulting problems of many developing countries in their effort to catch up with the developed nations. Rapid increase in the standard of living and in the accumulation of wealth, especially in the developing countries, serves to highlight the benefits of globalization but the problems which are related to this rapid growth are as equally conspicuous. While globalization has brought prosperity to citizens of both developed and developing countries, it seems to favor the wealthiest sections in these societies. It is worthwhile to examine whether or not globalization is causing greater inequalities than what existed before. If globalization continues in its present from, then it seems that its effects will lead to greater inequalities among and within nations.
My suggestions:
1. I would combine the first two sentences:
2. Rapid increase in the standard of living and in the accumulation of wealth, especially in the developing countries, serves to highlight the benefits of globalization but the problems which are related to this rapid growth are as equally conspicuous.
3. While globalization has brought prosperity to citizens of both developed and developing countries, it seems to favor the wealthiest sections in these societies.
4. It is worthwhile to examine whether or not globalization is causing greater inequalities than what existed before.
5. If globalization continues in its present from, then it seems that its effects will lead to greater inequalities among and within nations.
My final rewrite:
Globalization has brought into sharper focus the disparities among nations and highlighted the problems of many developing countries in catching up to the developed nations. While globalization has brought prosperity to citizens of both developed and developing countries, it seems to favor the wealthiest in these societies.If globalization continues in its present from, it will lead to greater inequalities among and within nations.
The essay should be complete, with title page, running header, and title centered on the first line of page 2.
The essay should have quotations, paraphrases and APA in-text citations and References page.
The essay should not be a first draft. It must be carefully proofread.
Please print and bring the sources to class, or at least the parts you used from the longer sources.
In class, work on one essay at a time. Distribute the copies of the essay to the group. Each student reads, marks and corrects the essay. When every student is finished reading the essay, the group as a whole completes this worksheet. The author of the essay writes down the answers to the worksheet questions. The completed worksheet must be submitted in a folder with one edited draft, the final essay, and the other assignments.
The group should discuss the following questions and offer suggestions for improving the essay. The author of the essay should write the answers and suggestions down on a separate sheet to be submitted with the finished essay.
1. Is the introduction interesting? Does it get your attention and make you want to read the essay? Watch out for excessively general statements and cliches. Make sure the introduction gets quickly to the point.
2. Does the introduction ask a question? State a thesis? Reveal an attitude toward the issue?
3. Do you get the sense of a debate from the essay? Are the different positions in the debate clear?
4. What is the thesis of the essay? Is the thesis debatable? Does the essay take a position in the debate?
5. Does the essay include the main arguments of each side in the debate? Does the essay show some of the evidence used to back up the various arguments?
6. Is the essay well organized? Does it have a beginning, middle and end? Does one paragraph seem to lead to the next paragraph? Is the information presented in a logical order?
7. Do the paragraphs begin with a topic sentence which states the idea of the paragraph? Do the sentences in the paragraph support the topic sentence? Do all the sentences in the paragraph pertain to the topic sentence?
8. Does the essay include the right amount of quotation? Make sure there is not too much quotation.
9. Does author quote interesting and striking language to make important points? Do not quote to make obvious points.
10. Are all the paraphrases completely transformed? You must change the sentence structure; you must not just substitute synonyms.
11. In at least a few paragraphs, does the author refer to more than one source? Comparing or contrasting authors in a paragraph improves the essay.
12. Are all quotes and paraphrases correctly introduced and punctuated?
13. Are all the quotations and paraphrases correctly cited?
14. Does the essay come to a clear conclusion? Are the author's conclusions interesting and logical? Does the author continue to refer to the sources in the conclusion?
Check the Format
Font: 12 pt. Times New Roman
text double spaced
proper margins
Running header--short title, five spaces, page number (title page is page 1)
title page:
- proper title capitalization
- proper title format (no underline, etc.)
- class and section: Research and Writing 303 CD or EF1
- professor's name: Professor Mendelsohn
- full date: January 1, 2007
APA references page with hanging indents
Notes on Rewriting
When you rewrite, strive to omit unnecessary words and ideas.
Example #1:
There have been many debates over the topic of globalization. World leaders, businessmen, politicians, and corporation from all over the world have all provided valid reasons as to how globalization has provided opportunities for people and growth for the economy. On the other hand, others have strongly expressed disagreement, suggesting that the economy is the only beneficiary making gains yet the people who are working to help with the progress such as the workers are not being fairly compensated. This issue has caused a fire storm of controversy and people increasingly are expressing their own ideas to prove that globalization truly as its own benefits or drawbacks.
My suggestions:
1. There have been many debates over the topic of globalization.
I would omit this sentence, as it is very obvious and doesn't tell us anything we don't know.
2. World leaders, businessmen, politicians, and corporation from all over the world have all provided valid reasons as to how globalization has provided opportunities for people and growth for the economy.
This sentence is better than the first because it provides reasons for defending globalization.3. On the other hand, others have strongly expressed disagreement, suggesting that the economy is the only beneficiary making gains yet the people who are working to help with the progress such as the workers are not being fairly compensated.
This sentence attempts to state a reason for criticizing globalization, but the sentence is unclear--I don't understand "the economy is the only beneficiary making gains." I would rewrite this sentence as: "Others have strongly disagreed, suggesting that workers are not being fairly compensated."
4. This issue has caused a fire storm of controversy and people increasingly are expressing their own ideas to prove that globalization truly as its own benefits or drawbacks.
Again, I would omit this sentence as unnecessary. Now I would have to write two or three more sentences to complete the paragraph.
Example #2
Globalization has brought into sharper focus the disparities among nations. It has also highlighted the resulting problems of many developing countries in their effort to catch up with the developed nations. Rapid increase in the standard of living and in the accumulation of wealth, especially in the developing countries, serves to highlight the benefits of globalization but the problems which are related to this rapid growth are as equally conspicuous. While globalization has brought prosperity to citizens of both developed and developing countries, it seems to favor the wealthiest sections in these societies. It is worthwhile to examine whether or not globalization is causing greater inequalities than what existed before. If globalization continues in its present from, then it seems that its effects will lead to greater inequalities among and within nations.
My suggestions:
1. I would combine the first two sentences:
Globalization has brought into sharper focus the disparities among nations and highlighted the problems of many developing countries in catching up with the developed nations.
2. Rapid increase in the standard of living and in the accumulation of wealth, especially in the developing countries, serves to highlight the benefits of globalization but the problems which are related to this rapid growth are as equally conspicuous.
This sentence is very hard to understand and seems to repeat the first two sentences. I would omit it.
3. While globalization has brought prosperity to citizens of both developed and developing countries, it seems to favor the wealthiest sections in these societies.
Okay.
4. It is worthwhile to examine whether or not globalization is causing greater inequalities than what existed before.
Omit. Unnecessary.
5. If globalization continues in its present from, then it seems that its effects will lead to greater inequalities among and within nations.
Not bad.
Globalization has brought into sharper focus the disparities among nations and highlighted the problems of many developing countries in catching up to the developed nations. While globalization has brought prosperity to citizens of both developed and developing countries, it seems to favor the wealthiest in these societies.If globalization continues in its present from, it will lead to greater inequalities among and within nations.
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